Generally speaking, when you’re with a bunch of guys you can always count on one topic of conversation coming up: sports. Every guy watches sports, right? Maybe not all sports, but you can pretty much count on baseball, football, basketball, or hockey (at least in the US) as safe topics where guys have at least some knowledge of the teams and how the season is going.
Not me. But I have a good reason.
I have a superpower. I have the power to make a team lose a game. And I can prove it.
If I could control this power, I could use it for good, but unfortunately it’s out of my hands. It only works against the team I’m rooting for, and its effects greatly increase when I’m actually paying attention to an individual game.
I’m originally from the Philadelphia area. It’s state law that anyone from that area must root for the Phillies and the Eagles. That’s just the way it is. It’s possible they’ve tainted the water table to enhance compliance. Unfortunately, in my case this works against those teams.
See, my power is at it’s strongest when I actually care about the outcome of the game, and actively follow the score. The success of the team is inversely proportional to how much I want the team to win.
Others believe they have this power as well, but few can prove it. I can.
Example 1: November 1st. Eagles vs. Giants. Eagles destroyed the Giants, 40-17. I didn’t watch. I didn’t even know they were going to play until the game had already started, and I didn’t get involved. If I had not known about the game at all, the spread may have been even larger, but that’s impossible to tell.
Example 2: World Series 2008. Philadelphia takes down Tampa Bay. I didn’t watch a single minute. I did care, though, so the series was tough, taking all seven games.
Example 3: World Series 2009. Phillies vs. Yankees.
- Game 1: didn’t realize which day the series started on. didn’t check the score until after the game. Phillies won.
- Game 2: the exception – I knew the game was on but didn’t check it. Phillies lost. (It’s not always my fault.)
- Game 3: I knew the game was on and cared but didn’t check it. Phillies lost.
- Game 4: I began checking the scoreboard in the bottom of the 8th inning. Phillies came from behind to tie the game, but I continued reloading the scoreboard (I don’t dare actually watch the game), and the Yankees come back with 3 runs at the top of the 9th to win.
- Game 5: I checked the scoreboard at the top of the 8th. Score was 8-2. Plenty of room. Refreshed the scoreboard going into the bottom of the 8th – the score was 8-5! Three Yankee runs! I ceased all connection to the game immediately, immersing myself in budgeting to avoid thinking about the game. Checked back well after the game was over to find the Phillies had won 8-6.
Games 6-7, I have resolved not to watch at all, nor check the score. That doesn’t guarantee a win (see game 2), but it helps.
Obviously my power is dangerous. I’m doing what I can to keep it in check. The cost to me is the inability to converse with other guys intelligently about sports, but I’m managing.
As to game 5… sorry about the scare, guys.